Frankfurt, Germany
Life Synopsis Written in 1972
Helmut Lessing
Frankfurt, Germany
Life Synopsis Written in 1972
Curriculum of Helmut F. Lessing (first written in 72)
Dear friends,
As not every Lessing can be called Gotthold Ephraim, my father christened me in
1928 and gave me the name „Helmut“. This took place in a village church, nearly
1000 years old, built with boulder stones, at Flessau near Osterburg, in the
Prussian province of Saxony (today Sachsen-Anhalt). And this was one of the rare
occasions when my parents went with the current trend in first names in those
years (like Helmut Schmidt, Helmut Kohl et al.) They would have liked to call me
Michael or Johannes, or Johann Sebastian, but I shall come to that later on.
My ancestors in the line of my father were Lutheran ministers, and further back
teachers and farmers in the region between Saxony and Thuringia. Originally they
immigrated from Bohemia. And that is the only hint to a possible genealogic link
to the famous Poet. (The name comes from “lec” in tchech language, which means
“small forest”). My grandfather was an original person. In those times parsons
seem to have had much time, and his colleagues had hobbies like raising roses or
studying ornithology, one of them published a famous book about birds. But his
pastime was different. He started a boarding school for girls, which was a
widespread institution for parents of the bourgeois classes wanting that their
daughters were well prepared for life. He could do this as the parsonage was an
enormous building, like a villa. His predecessor had married a beerbrower’s
daughter, and from there came the money. As a well educated man he acted as a
teacher for all matters like literature, history, languages etc. And my
grandmother taught housekeeping and piano, so that my father told us he knew all
the sonatinas by Kuhlau and Clementi by heart, as the girls kept practising them
continually. We have a lot of photos of this life at the beginning of the 20th
century. Long white gowns, huge hats, all very bourgeois-like. The parishioners
were poor labourers on the huge estate of Baron von Krosigk or in the copper
mines where working conditions were very hard. My grandfather was not a man for
social gospel, few were like that in those years. My father and his sisters
played with the children Krosigk, but the noble people always showed off that
even the parson was a sort of employee for them. But my grandfather did at least
some discussions and quarrels with the big landlord in order to influence him to
improve living and housing conditions of his working families.
Quite a different man, but also quite original, was my other grandfather.
Through him my mother had the privilege to be born in the famous small medieval
tourist city of Rothenburg ob der Tauber. He came from a farmers family in
northern Bavaria, at first he went to the teachers seminary, and then became
teacher and organist at the St.James church in Rothenburg, which owns, as I
think, an altar of the famous artist Riemenschneider. After some years he proved
to be a musically gifted man, possessing iron energy and was working hard.
Together with a strong and orthodox Lutheran creed, important in that time in
Bavaria, he finally was made a Professor and Academical Director of Church Music
at the university of Erlangen. He sometimes had trouble keeping up his position
against the other Professors as he had no university studies and was no doctor.
But at the end of his time there, about 1926 or so, he received the title of
honorary doctor of theology, so he could call himself Professor D. Ernst
Schmidt. The family was very proud of that. He formed quite a generation of
church musicians and pastors in Bavaria, he was also a well known conductor,
with works like Bach’s St. Matthew Passion, Handel’s Messiah and so on.
To come back to my own life: the thirties seem not to be a time favourable for
original characters. I was grown up, as I started with, in a pastor’s home in a
village. That means when I am looking back: In those years most of these
parsonages had kept much from the special cultural and spiritual heritage which
was a remarkable factor in Germany for centuries. But saying so, I must also
say, this was coming to its end. Pastors had less opportunities to act in public
and to influence the whole community. Especially in the Nazi time this became
more and more difficult. So there was the danger of introversion or even
isolation. So in my puberty I never found the chance to gain a certain distance
from my parental home. The outward world, even being a member of the so-called
Hitler youth, which every pupil had to join, the outward world was for me a more
or less hostile and troublesome scene. At home, music was the number one, and
most of us thought that I should go the same way as my granny Schmidt. And then
there was a certain interest in the wide world, which meant also for languages.
At the age of 12 I started learning English privately apart from the school with material from the famous publisher Langenscheidt. As there was no television this was my favourite pastime in the evening besides doing the piano. Unfortunately, the wide world was continuously blocked out in that time through the Nazi ideology of nationalism. My father had been traveling much during WW I, as he had to serve on a hospital train of the Red Cross. And this interest in seeing more from the world went together with a strong spirit for pacifism. He once told me that in 1915 he stood near the railway line to Switzerland, and perhaps he would have had the chance to run over. But finally he did not dare to loose his whole family and biography, he was not the type of a hero. But until his death he was a big favourite of Switzerland, this peaceful little country. During the Hitler time my parents only once managed to go there. But the government allowed only to take 10 Marks with them. In the 80s they went very often to their favourite country and were always happy there. Finally my father died there during a vacation in 1987, I had to come for the transport to Interlaken. A man with this attitude could not agree with Hitler’s politics from the beginning.
Among the first memories of my child-hood were hard discussions
in our family. Both the grandfathers being conservatively minded had at first
sympathy for this new “movement”, because they were against communism and also
socialism with its critical attitude towards Christianity. But my father from
the beginning said: “When Hitler wins, then we will have war.” But it was not
the time for original characters. People soon had to be rather careful because
the Gestapo was everywhere. And as I said my father was not a man like Niemöller,
the ancient U-boat commander. He even joined the NSDAP in 1934 because all the
ministers of his region did so and said they wanted to prevent worse
developments. In that region the so-called “German Christians” were very active
and nobody dared to oppose them overtly. But he could not endure this situation
very long, so he decided to go away.
In 1934 he could go to the tiny Lutheran church of Schaumburg-Lippe, people were
good churchgoers, no pastor in the party and no Deutsche Christen. The
superintendent (after 1945 called bishop, you can find all about the church in
the internet under “Schaumburg-Lippe”) tried to be on good terms with the
government, but in his sermons the people watched for fine hidden hints of
criticism! In the village called Meinsen, now a part of Bueckeburg, the church
was full of the ladies with their huge hoods of the local peasants wear.
When I came to school in the same year, I told after coming home, I did not
understand a word because the teacher talked “platt” with the children. Well, in
very short time I learnt that, too, and today when this language is practically
dead I am one of the few still mastering it.
The “Gymnasium Adolfinum” was a traditional German “gymnasium, called after one
of the princes of Schaumburg-Lippe, not after the dictator. Our teachers were
no-anti-nazis, but they never tried to indoctrinate us. So school was no problem
for me, I had not many problems, only I was too lazy, I was not obliged to work
hard to succeed. Today my grandchildren are worse off, but by that perhaps they
learn to work really, and early enough.
I was not so good in sports, which was pre-eminent in the Nazi time. But I was a
good musician, above all on the piano. With this I always could earn the
admiration of my classmates and also teachers. Everybody was thinking I would
make this my profession, following the grandfather, but it came differently. But
at any rate, music played a big role in our family, as I mentioned above. For my
father, Bach’s Passion of St. Matthew was as important for him as the bible, I
would say. My sister made it her lifetime job, teaching music at higher schools.
And even now she with her husband is organizing at Heidelberg an association for
Music and culture. They are organizing concerts in the famous aula of the
university, mostly chamber music. They like this chance, even as both of them
are also retired now.
One interesting point was an event with my teacher of mathematics. He was not an
eager Nazi, but he was interested in motor sports so he joined the so-called
NSKK (NS-Kraftfahrer-Korps). And as the younger higher HJ chaps had to go to the
army in the war, he was made local leader of the Hitler youth. (“Bannführer”)
Once in 1945, shortly before the end of the war, I was denounced having listened
to BBC. I was questioned by an official of the NSDAP, and he was there as a
witness for the HJ. I denied frantically knowing that any confession would have
had tragic consequences (KZ and so on), also for my father. We all listened to
BBC in those times. But my teacher found a way to put the accent on a minor
offense, misuse of the telephone or so, and I received some blows “round the
ears” from him so that I nearly fell off the chair. But thus he misguided the
party man and finally the affair died down. I will never forget that.
In 1944, at the age of 16, I was conscribed for “Luftwaffenhelfer”,
Air Force Auxiliary Service, and put into an airforce colored HJ uniform. We
were trained with anti aircraft guns (2 cm) and I was stationed at Gütersloh
near a military airfield, and after-wars at Minden to guard the bridge-building
of the important “Mittelland-Kanal” across the river Weser. There I took part in
several air raids by bombers. We never shot, the planes were too high, and our
chiefs, elderly sergeants and corporals also did not want to die a “hero’s
death” so shortly before the end of the war. But many of our comrades died when
their post was accidentally hit by the bombs. In bigger cities these helpers had
a much more dangerous job than I had to go through. In January 45 I was
dismissed, and as the bombs had destroyed the army registry in another city,
they could not find my files and they forgot me, so I went to school until
Easter 45. A funny situation.
On Easter Sunday 1945 the HJ called us up to go on a march towards the east.
They said the Allied would take us as hostages or for forced labor or so. But I
knew that the war was lost.
And after a march of some hours in the rain I left the formation in one of the
villages and went to a farmhouse where the family peacefully was sitting at
their Easter coffee. Nobody cared for me nor followed me. But many others of my
village acted in a similar way. Then I went home by train ( when there was an
attack of deep flying Thunderbolts or Mustangs, and the train stopped but no
casualties this time). It was clear for me that I perhaps had to hide at home
until the end of the war, but the end came 1 day later. Some of my comrades who
went further with the HJ ended finally in northern Germany where they should
serve as guards for prisoners (French or Polish or so), and some of them came
into British POW camps and came home much later.
My family experienced the arrival of US tanks in our village as a real
liberation. And in the following time – the British took over because this was
to be their zone – we had no real trouble. The food situation grew even worse
than before, but in the village the pastor always could get some milk, bread, or
eggs from his parishioners. And soon the situation improved. I with my knowledge
of English tried to interpret here and there. Even my father started learning
English with the BBC. By the way, the radio – when the Nazi propaganda no longer
was on the air, this was an enormous liberation, too.
School re-started in 1946. Some of our teachers were gone, others came in. But
life continued nearly as usual. Only some months we were called in for labour
with the British. We had to make concrete lids for cable trenches used for the
RAF airfield constructed on the farmland near the village from where the
Schuette family was evacuated then. But this was more fun than hard labour. I
learned more English, and I made a little “black market” with the soldiers for
cigarettes, tooth paste and things like that. In 1947 I passed the final exam
called “Abi-tur”. On the final document it was stated that my professional aim
was “theologian”.
Well, how did this come to pass? Today the churches have to state that there are
very few young people starting studies of theology. But at that time it was a
very different situation. During the Nazi time Christians were often victims of
Nazi propaganda, and a son of a pastor had not the best standing in the HJ. And
the Gestapo even came to villages like Meinsen to find out if in the local YMCA
they played games which was forbidden, they were only al-lowed to be occupied
with strictly religious matters, bible studies etc. But after this nightmare
ended, the church had a much better situation. In spite of many fellow travelers
also in church circles, the existence of the BK with Niemöller in the
Concentration Camp, Bishop Wurm and Pastor von Bodelschwingh and others opposing
the Nazis as far as possible, the church was accepted by the Allies as a body
not so much discredited as others like universities, schools, administration and
all that. Church people were the first Germans who were al-lowed to go to
conferences outside Germany and were accepted by Christian sisters and brothers
after all that hatred and killing. And soon we learnt to know the first American
Conscientious Objectors coming over with groups like the Peace Corps, and the
Brethren Service Commission, and all these pacifist and humanitarian groups. In
our neighbourhood one of the pastors had good contacts to the “Quakers”, and he
was assisted by them to build a centre for young people with the aim of working
for peace. It was called “Freundschaftsheim”, home of friendship. By this I had
more contacts to the greater ecumenical movement. This was the factor which
influenced me to study theology. The Christian churches seemed to me the only
way to do good work for my fellow countrymen and for the world.
In that time it was not easy to be accepted at a university. So I stayed at home
for one year learning Greek privately with one of my old schoolteachers. Then in
1948 I started my first term at Göttingen. The accent on the old languages
(Hebrew!) and the historical tendency in the academical scene did not create
very much enthusiasm for me.
I joined a group called “Göttinger Posaunenmission” and in our
free hours we went with our brass instruments through places and railroad
stations with so many refugees trying to evangelize the people. I regarded
myself more a man of practical work not of academical research. In summer 48 I
could –by my contacts to freundschaftsheim – take part in an ecumenical work
camp at Le Chambon in France. There I learnt more French. In 1950 I got the
chance to stay one year in France by a scholarship of the French government. By
my contacts to freundschaftsheim I was recommended and so I could go to
Montpellier in southern France to the Faculté libre de théologie protestante. It
was a great time there, and as the only German in the seminary I had no problems
only 5 years after the war. I learnt how a church is living “free from the
state” without church taxes as we have them in Germany. The French protestants
are a minority, but they have very good people and manage to have great
influence in the country. (Today with Chirac I must admit I have some problems,
but that you know. )
In France I first had lectures about Freud and psychotherapy. So for my future
ministry I saw two focuses: Either ecumenical work or what later was called
pastoral counseling.
I finished my studies at Heidelberg and then again at Göttingen, and then passed
my exam which took place at Hannover, under the famous bishop Hanns Lilje. My
old little church of Schaumburg Lippe was too much governed by provincialism and
too hard-lined Lutheranism, so I changed for Hannover, and was sent to the well
renowned seminary at Hildesheim, where we lived in an old historical building
adjacent at the St. Michael church dating back to 1000 a.c. (naturally totally
bombed out, but rebuilt soon). Hildesheim was terribly struck by the bombings.
As I still liked to travel but with no money, I made myself a group leader of
the YMCA travel service for young people. So in 1953 I had to be the head of a
group in Switzerland, 2 weeks at the beautiful youth centre of Gwatt at the Lake
of Thune. ( in internet it is to be seen under “Gwatt Zentrum!”) And there – in
the train to Basle – I met my future wife, Gudrun Kremer. She was living at
Saarbrücken, a region which was still under French influence and had French
money. Her father was a leading engineer in a big foundry company. During the
war this family had a harder fate than I had in my little village. Often they
had to go into the shelter during bomb attacks. Twice they were evacuated from
home because of the French border being very close, once in 39 and again in 45.
In the meantime my father-in-law was sent to Poland, i.e. Upper Silesia, in
order to manage the big iron industry in that area. So the family lived there
for several months. And after the war he was denounced having ill-treated French
or polish forced labor men, so the French arrested him for about half a year,
and he had to pass a trial at the French military court. He was declared
innocent, but this was a hard time. So my wife is very nervous before every
trip, vacation or so, because of the early experience of being forced to leave
home. And the trauma of bomb attacks is still there.
Back to beautiful Switzerland. We had a nice time there, and I stayed in contact
and shortly afterwards my first trip to Saarbrücken developed our connection.
Much later we stayed at Gwatt for several times in summer, also with our boys.
And this year, celebrating “50 years Helmut and Gudrun” we surely will go to
Switzerland somewhere. Gudrun started studying Psychology at Saarbrücken. She
originally wanted to be a doctor. Like her sister. But I with my growing
interest in psychological questions persuaded her to do this. Reason was also:
It does not last as long as for medicine, and I wanted to marry her, after all.
She liked the matter and never resented having followed my advice. As a pastor’s
wife she could well make use of her special skills.
After my second exam at Hannover my church sent me as an assistant pastor to a
church office called “Ministry for Police, Customs Frontier Service and GSO
(i.e. German Service organisations, veterans from the army working for the
Occupation forces). There I had to travel a lot, having discussions with these
men in their different and often difficult situation. Then after one year in
1954 I got into my first normal parish service at Schüttorf, in the west of
Hannover church, near the Dutch border. There the natives were members of the
Reformed church (Calvinists, like the Presbyterians, I think.) My parishioners
were there as refugees from Eastern Germany, Silesia, Eastern Prussia,
Pommerania etc. The church had started a program of building a lot of small
Lutheran churches to meet the necessities of this minority. I was not a
confesssionalist, finally I had studied with the Calvinists in France. But I
under-stood that it was too difficult for these refugees to get incorporated in
this very conservative and not very accepting society of the Reformed church
there. My little church was nice, but there was no house for the pastor. So I
had to live in rented flats for several years. In 1957 we married in Saarbrücken,
and in spite of it being a hard change for Gudrun to go to this un-known and
lonely “far west” ( and the people of the Saar are sticking to their country and
to their families and do not like to go out of it at all!) she started to like
the place and the people, too. In 1962 a very nice house was built, we had quite
a lot of work with it, but then were happy to live there – until 1970.
In that time I also was made a part-time army chaplain for an armored brigade at
Lingen, 30 kms distant. As son of my father I was not an enthusiastic friend of
the military world (especially after the lost war), but I must admit that I had
not many difficulties with the young soldiers though alienated from the church,
but very good contacts and discussions with soldiers, NCOs and officers. One of
my best men of that time was Captain von Sandrart, who later on was a leading
General in the NATO headquarters in Belgium or France. We were well accepted in
Schüttorf, and (without exaggerating and falling into false self-esteem) I can
say that even today the people think well about those years and would wish, if
this were possible, that we were still there. By the way, some of my successors
were very problematic, which declares something. They are happy when we come for
a visit, which is only too seldom. 350 kms is not much, but time passes so
quickly.
On the peak of my activity ( ecumenical committee at Hannover, clinical training
etc.) I developed the idea to make a change. My interest had always been the
wide world, so I looked for some of the parishes of Germans abroad. Belgium,
Luxemburg, and finally Paris. There I went in 1969 to apply for the post,
delivering a sermon and all that. And they would have taken us, but- we finally
resigned. We felt that life for our children would be very hard there, school at
St. Germain, far from the church building situated near Place Pigalle, at rue
Blanche. And above all, I was supposed to give about 20 hours religious
education lessons per week in the German School. And this was not my favourite.
I imagined that the teachers there had to give only 26 hours, and for me 20, and
then all the weekends, and the other church work – this was too much for us. And
at the end it was Frankfurt.
Now, life at Frankfurt was a bit harder than at Schüttorf. My point of interest
was that they started an integrated parish of 3 former smaller churches. And the
pastors should work in a team, each having a special accent of his work. And as
I still was interested in clinical counseling, they said they needed a pastor
for that field on the level of the parish. Well, we started there in 1970. And
the 70s were a very tumultuous time. In our team there were young pastors who
were more influenced by their student ideologies of the 68s and even communist
ideas, and they created quite a lot of trouble, because the church council ( a
huge body of more than 40 members, composed of the councils of the former 3
parishes) did not like to follow them and appealed to us 2 older pastors to keep
the thing in balance. Sometimes we had meetings until 1 in the morning. I kept
saying, we are only occupied with our internal problems, and have no time to
care for the members in the parish. And in the huge school of that part of the
city the leftist teachers were running around making propaganda to leave the
church. But my aim to learn more for counseling could be reached. I was sent to
the central institute at Berlin to be trained additionally. Then after 2 years
this experiment of the “integrated” body was finished by decision of the
councils and so we divided again into 3 different parishes. That was easier in
many respects, and so I managed to stay at the “Dietrich-Bonhoeffer-Gemeinde”
for more than 20 years. Membership went down from 3000 to less than 2000, (like
in all parts of Frankfurt. The protestants lost about 50% of their membership,
also due to the afflux of immigrants, mostly catholic or muslim.) but church
attendance was rather stable on the low level of Europe, i.e. about 20 to 40 on
normal Sundays.
I think in the US it is different even with the latest changes of mentality.( That’s why so many Germans get nervous when they hear the Christian language of G.W. Bush. That’s something they are no longer accustomed to.) But we had to live with that. I never thought of changing once more. I had enough active members, and life was always interesting enough in all those years. We were two pastors, and the colleagues changed more often. With one or 2 I had good contacts, with other a bit less. But that’s life. The second last one celebrated his divorce during his stay, and his new lady was a member of the staff of the church. Now – my wife does not like things like that. As a very clever man, he persuaded the council to let him stay. But my wife with her ladies group, in which the first wife was also, did not rest until he quit and went into another part of the town. And the last colleague was a man of the far left. In those years my eldest so also was on the left track, and often I heard the same ideas from the colleague as they came from my son. Well, afterwards the colleague changed a bit, and at the end we were friends. And my son also left the track. He is now “Beamter” (civil service) of the city of Munich, as I may have mentioned already.
Besides the normal parish work I also took part for several years in radio
speeches from the church, telephone emergency service at night, and – something
rather pleasant – I worked as a ship’s chaplain on cruise vessels like
Vistafjord, now owned by Cunard, and the former soviet ship “Azerbaidshan”, 6
times for 2 weeks each. This took me to northern Europe, up to the North Cape,
and Mediterranean and Caribbean. Twice Gudrun could accompany me, though having
to pay, she liked it.
To end with – my wife did a marvelous job all those years. She cared for the
boys, all their school problems, and then housework, when I was occupied with my
parish work and troubles. And moreover she finished studies for being Gestalt
therapist, or what they called Integrated Therapy. Finally she was a teaching
therapist and was doing supervision jobs. And until she was 65 she worked in a
private institution called “pro familia”, doing counseling work, and then
practised privately. That continued until today.
Well, now I am retired for 11 years already, and I must say these years went on
“as you are flying away” as it is said in the Psalms. And so I can come to the
end of this text. I am afraid I put many more items into it than I had in the
report for my Rotary friends of that time in 1972. I apparently do not have the
gift of expressing myself in short terms. But I hope, as you have been in
Germany for several times, all this may be of some interest to you.
April 15, 2003
So there you have it. Life in Germany. I hope this will give you a little insight into life in Europe through his eyes. I left many of the spellings the way they are done in Germany, others I corrected to improve reading.
He also sent me a little story about the important things in ones life: HELMUT
